1. Spot 1, 90 Seconds-It’s my Network: A man is attempting to get service from a modest white house atop a grassy hill. He looks over the horizon and sees another house. He tries yelling. Eventually he holds up a big sign which says, “AYUDA ME”. The man at the other house is wearing a Cingular tee-shirt. He walks over to a nearby cell tower and sees a handful of squirrels messing with a breaker on the tower. He shrugs and tips his hat over his head and goes to nap in his lawn chair. Suddenly the Verizon guy walks up next to the first man and says, “Tired of your network?” The first man immediately runs into the house and grabs an AK-47, screaming at his children. He then throws a bag over the Verizon guy’s head and knocks him unconscious. Fade to black. Over the screen we see the text: “The world’s largest network is getting bigger- so big that we don’t have to worry about one or two ransom threats. Isn’t it time you switched to the right network?” Still black, we hear shouts in Spanish and a grizzled, accented voice saying, “TELL THEM WE MEAN BUSINESS!”
The Verizon guy says, in a bag-over-head voice, “Can you hear me now? THEY REALLY MEAN IT!!”
2. Spot 2, 30 Seconds- Customer Service: Caracas. A man is attempting to unlock his daughter’s cell phone. She sits nearby, looking pissed. He takes out his own cell-phone and calls customer service. “Hello? My daughter has locked her iPhone and she cannot unlock it. Can you please help me?” We cut to a customer service cubicle and a well-dressed woman in a headset says, “Sure, that’s no problem sir. In two weeks, our glorious leader will declare a state-enforced monopoly for a much better foreign company that gives him the most money, or finds his brother the most prostitutes.” The man looks puzzled. Voiceover: “Verizon- Finding a lot of hookers for Hugo Chavez’s Brother.”
3. Spot 3, 60 Seconds- When in Rio…: An American guy is on the phone with his girlfriend. “Hey baby!” he says, over the noise of a street carnival. “How are you?”
“I’m great. How’s the trip?” she asks, curled up on a couch.
“It’s really great. Hey, do you remember that girl who lived down the street from us a few years ago, Nancy Cartwright? ” Suddenly a stunning brunette appears next to the boyfriend and he puts his arm around her. He covers the receiver with his palm and says, “Hey Nancy, gimmie a second.” They kiss.
“Yeah, I remember her. Why?” The girlfriend flips through a magazine.
“Well, I ran into her last night. She’s from Rio originally. Me and her and Greg went out and painted the town. She’s a real looker, I think Greg has a crush on her.” Nancy puts her hand down the man’s paints and he gives her a look as if to say, ‘oh you naughty girl.’
“Yeah, she looks really good. I couldn’t believe she used to be a man when she told me.” The wife flips through pages and smells a perfume ad. “Honey? You there? Hello?” She taps the phone, and then looks at the display. She rolls her eyes at the thought of a lost connection. “Hello? I think we lost service, baby.”
The man’s face is frozen. “Oh god,” he mutters.
“Oh hey, you’re still there.”
Cut to black.
Voiceover: “Verizon, with the fewest dropped calls of any cell carrier.”
4. Spot 4, 30 Seconds- Reliable: Gunfire. A street in Bogota. Paramilitary soldiers fire back at police. A man is hiding behind a small concrete wall by a parking garage, looking distressed. Part of his clothing is singed. What remains of a bank across the street is flaming, clearly the target of a bombing. Suddenly, something explodes by the police and the paramilitary troopers make a run for it. The man is scared shitless and shivering. As he goes to get up, a bullet pings off of the wall, three inches from his face. He screams, then bolts into the parking garage, where he jumps into a stairwell and hides in the fetal position. Shots echo outside and you can hear a fire somewhere nearby. The man, almost catatonic, whips out his cell phone, and goes to access the internet. There he immediately books two tickets out of Colombia. He starts sobbing and rocking back and forth.
Voiceover: “Verizon: Internet access even in a parking garage! The world’s most reliable network is always there when you need it!” Another explosion.
by Michael J. Weingarth