Holiday Gifts from ConspiracyCo: Perfect Presents for Paranoid People

“Space" Camp Special

– The all-inclusive week is chock full of specials and surprises, including a space walk (as if), all you can eat dried ice cream (gross and silly), and overwhelming confirmation that no human has ever left the atmosphere. Says one satisfied customer: “Isn’t it just so convenient? The alleged lunar landing spawned a lovely little Disney ride for the ignorant masses.” Includes complementary “I went to space….CAMP!!!!” t-shirt.

Magic Bullets (pack of 100) – Perfect for the gun-toting conspiracist in your life.  Guaranteed kill shots on any wild game driving in the back seat of a slow-moving convertible in Dallas,TX.  Especially effective when fired by a government operative patsy. And with seven hits per casing, these rounds are a steal!

Area 51 ID – For your loved one obsessed with the cover-up so thorough that all hard evidence is still classified.  Despite heavy pressure from the federal government and its covert operatives, ConspiracyCo was able to secure the very real, incredibly un-fake template for its Area 51 double secret pass cards. Armed with your very own picture ID, you can enter the secret base undetected, if you can find it. Which you can’t. Even if you could, they’d kill you.

Paul McCartney’s bones – Now you can have the ultimate proof that Paul is, in fact, dead.  Real bones from the Beatles’ first casualty. Limited run, only 206 available. All bones carry our ConspiracyCo Certificate of Authenticity, signed by Paul McCartney himself. Free copy of Sgt. Pepper’s with every purchase.

By Chris Van Orden