-1999, Monster Truck Ralley
Sunday. Sunday. Sunday. The 11th, I believe. Come on down to the Windex Streak-Free Arena for a night of metal on metal scratching and considerable body damage, the kind that no amount of compound and buffing will get out. For your enjoyment, small vehicles will be incapacitated, drained of gasoline, cleared of all passengers, and run over by considerably larger vehicles. The roster of larger vehicles scheduled to appear includes the likes of Gravesplitter, Sasquatch, and some other one. I think I saw a purple one. Does that ring any bells? Plus there’s this big dinosaur-type thing that lifts disabled cars into the air, mangles them a bit, and then lets them fall, all whilst igniting butane housed within its nostrils. It sounds kind of silly to me, but the kids seem to like it. That’s this Sunday. Sunday. Sunday.
-2005, Computer Spam
D0 y0u want a Bigger Peniz???? If y0u’re w0rried ab0ut n0t being able t0 please y0ur w0man because 0f y0ur size, y0u might want t0 l00k up s0me statistics. I think I read s0mewhere ab0ut the average “length” and I seem t0 remember there being a surprisingly narr0w spectrum fr0m smallest t0 largest. If y0u’re having tr0uble in the bedr00m, chances are it’s m0re a matter of intimacy than anat0my. But I c0uld be wrong, and if y0u think that’s the case, you sh0uld buy s0me of these pills. 0h, but be sure t0 check with y0ur physician bef0re y0u start any new medications.
-2003, Salon Essentials Invigorating Daily Moisturizing Shampoo with a Yerba
Matte and Lilac Infusion
Is your hair less than perfect? It might be a matter of overdrying, or
possibly hard water. Whatever the root
(ha ha, ‘root’) of the problem, this product is sure, or at least likely, to
fix it. Not that I’m a scientist or
anything, but it’s got all of these fancy ingredients on the back of the
bottle. One of which must help hair somehow. In particular, the yerba matte stuff seems
important – it’s this tea-type drink enjoyed in Latin America, particularly
by CS Van Orden