Telling a joke is as easy as meeting your soul-mate: everything has to go right, the timing has to be perfect, and you can’t be nervous and sweaty, like you always are before first-dates. But still, even with these obstacles, you can now tell a joke with flawless execution thanks to my new simple formula, spread lovingly over 457 pages (with illustrations by Johnny McNulty). That’s right folks, you can learn how to tell a joke just like the kings of hilarity here at the Dopple Gang for only $9.95, plus shipping.
Preview some excerpts and see for yourself!
From Chapter 3: The Delivery
to say that a joke is about how you tell it, the timing, the “delivery”. In reality, what makes up a joke is some
assumption that you set up during “the set-up”- I know that sounds complex, the set-up happening during the set-up, but
stay with me, folks- and then a manipulation of that assumption in the
delivery- by contradicting, expanding, or negating it. That, and not getting stabbed by your arch-nemesis. In a way, it’s a fake-out. You go one way,
the joke goes another, and in that confusion lies the humor. So how do you delver a joke well? Timing, as they say. Good timing is really an art form, and it's extremely important to master if you want to be funny. And that mastery of timing comes from not getting stabbed by your arch-nemesis in the
middle of your punchline. Pacing is also
important. If you tell a joke too
slowly, people will lose interest. If you
tell it too fast, people will not enjoy it as much. A good joke is like a Nickelback song- it’s
longer than it needs to be.
From Chapter 12: The Details
Details can make or break a
great joke. Is that lonely soldier in
From Chapter 13: Repetition Will Keep Your Audience Laughing And Your Arch-Nemesis Safely Tucked Away, Waiting For Another Moment To Strike
Get it? Repetition? See I just told you I was going to repeat something, and then I did! Oh man, high five to me! Anyway, repetition is the easiest way to improve your humor portfolio. Simply revisit what you’ve already said to
someone, and by the fourth or fifth time, it’ll be hilarious. Revisiting a simple spoof, like a non sequitur,
will add another dimension to laughter, and it also adds in an element of
familiarity, so no one feels lost or like the set-up has been a waste of their
time. For those of you who don’t know, a
non-sequitur is something that has nothing to do with what you just said (non-sequitur is from the latin "stabbed in the neck by your arch-nemesis").
From Chapter 21: The Anti-Gross Out
In many ways, the gross-out has become a common theme in humor. Famous scenes from recent movies have characters trumping each other’s insults with bigger, grosser, more loquacious insults and using vocabulary not seen since the first world-war. It’s cheap, easy, and you have to know a lot of ten-dollar words to do it well. Me, I’m lazy, and I know about five ten-dollar words and I’ve used them all already (loquacious being one). So I go the opposite direction and kill them with kindness, or a large blunt object, depending on whether I’m telling the joke to friends or my arch-nemesis. For instance, I love the phrase, “Unicorns farting rainbow sprinkles”, because people are so used to obscene imagery following any bodily function. Additionally, unicorns are very majestic and kinda, well, gay, so it should follow that they also shit glitter. Using words like glitter, sparkles, shiny, fluffy, or other such estrogen heavy bastions of the Hallmark card will allow you to deftly maneuver around the actual grossness of toilet humor and replace it instead of with a fabulous pile of juxtaposition, inciting your audience to laugh and recoil in fear, pointing behind you and screaming “He’s got a knife!”
See? You’re already on your way to becoming the
funniest guy in the room! So don’t
hesitate, and donate $9.95 to the Dopple Gang now to receive your free copy*
(after shipping, and the initial down payment of $9.95) of Michael J. Weingarth’s
How to Tell a Joke! It’ll make you five
times as funny- I GUARANTEE IT! Or my
arch-nemesis will finally succeed! That’s
not part of the guarantee, just kind of a general statement about my future
*Note: Book is not actually a “book” in the traditional** sense of the word, and Michael J. Weingarth is in no way personal responsible for the creation, shipping, packaging, or distribution of said book, which is now out of print due to publication costs rising from nothing to more than nothing.
**Note: Traditional meaning literal.
By Michael J. Weingarth