How You Might've Avoided Pushing the Big Red Button

1. Not turned “abandoned” missile-silo into roller-rink nightclub
2. Stopped pretending it was opposite day
3. Grooved a little less recklessly when your “Max Booty Groove!” playlist came on  your iPod
4. Found the Big Red Orange Button, which looks the same because it’s in the sun and a little faded
5. Hoped the Russians love their children, too.
6. Seen a counselor after you dressed up as Mad Max for seven Halloween’s running
7. Pushed the big red futon against the wall, like your boss asked.
8. Junked overstock of paintball guns and paintballs immediately, instead of storing in supply closet
9. Stopped filming “War Games” spoof for youtube after Johnson flubbed his lines
10. Not told everyone how they would never find it, even if they wanted to.
    
    By Michael J. Weingarth