How Your History TA Reads Your Papers

My Predictable Ideas About Transportation and the Ante-Bellum Economy

The South skim a bit skim a bit skim a bit skim a bit. Something about slavery, railroads, wagon trails, canals force the South into an inevitable position which I’m copying out of the text. However, I’m so wrong about these three factors being the leading causes of economic tension leading into the Civil War because I’m not a grad student yet and so I have only read two books on the subject, since I don’t know how to do research.

I get 8 hours of sleep a night, and mommy and daddy pay for my education. Wagon trails were blah blah blah, canals boring drone drone drone drone drone, but railroads were better because professor McDoesn’t-Teach said so in lecture. I don’t have the balls to disagree with him, but I’m so dumb I don’t realize that kissing his ass won’t do much for my grade since Ed the Mega-TA is holding the red pen on this one. Sometimes I spell words phonetically. I also love splitting infinitives, and improperly formatting block quotes. Racial tensions were important because I watched the Ken Burns documentary about the Civil War and have no clue what the war was actually about. Jefferson and Hamilton are names I should mention if I want a B-, so here they are: Jefferson was a dude, Hamilton a guy, strong-state, weak-state, democracy, mercantilism.

I totally deserve a B-. Give me a B-. Look at my conclusion, it’s just the ideas you saw before. I sit next to the girl with the rack. I often ask questions that are redundant just to participate in class. It’s five o’ clock, so skim the rest of this paragraph so you can meet that cute Philosophy PHD student for happy hour. I did have something to say in this paper, but it’s not enough to impress anyone or seem like I give a crap, so I’m going to get a B-. Hamilton.

Originally featured on www.CollegeHumor.com

By Michael J. Weingarth