As a rule, The Dopple Gang is not a blog. So as a rule, I am bound to break that rule. Someone asked me today why I hadn't written anything recently, and my honest answer was that I had no ideas at the moment. Sad, but true. But, they responded, so what?
Yeah, I thought, so what? I'll just start writing! Well. This happened. It started off with the following brainstorming session:
"Ok...how will we be entertained in the future...hmmm...howbout everything gives you blowjobs. Like it was a really easy machine to make, and once they invented it, they just slapped it on to everything, like the way they do with iPods now."
Yep. And that thought took me to this:
More about THE FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!
Video Games Will Give You Blowjobs
The late 2000's gave a taste of the divergent paths video-games would go down in the future. On the one hand, expensive, technology-intensive platforms aimed at hardcore gamers will continue to come closer and closer to reality, finally achieving decades of speculation about virtual reality, immersing the user in a total-feedback suit which will provide the tactile experience (minus the pain) depicted in the game. Imagine the experience, and technical skill required, to actually steer your avatar through modern-day military operations in the Middle East, fighting off insurgents, feeling the shockwaves of ordinance after calling in airstrikes, or being fellated by an extremely grateful Baghdad widow. Of course, for the inner otaku in all of us, Final Fantasy XX provides the rich story lines, amazing art, and cinematic blowjob cutscenes the fans have come to expect.
On the other hand, more casual gamers will be attracted to the colorful graphics, simpler gameplay, and easy-to-use pleasure wand of the Nintendo company. Games like the cel-shaded Paper Mario 3: Escape From Blowjob Island, or games with fun brainteasers like "Blowjob Party Game," appeal to old and young alike who want all the fun of a blowjob without all the button mashing.
Cars Will Steer Themselves
Although many people have predicted this invention, the will to actually develop it was not present until Toyota began offering drivers-side blowjob machines as an option, with other manufacturers of course rushing to follow suit. The resulting spike in traffic fatalities from thousands of ecstasy-addled motorists crashing into each other made development of self-steering cars a literal necessity. Now fatal traffic accidents are a rare exception, belonging only to the past and the American South, with families free to travel across the country without worrying about a pleasure-induced twitch plunging them all to their death.
And then I ran out of ideas for things that could be improved by blowjobs. Can you believe it? I mean, golf, maybe. But who wants to write about golf?
So, in conclusion, I will write when I have an idea. Because when I don't have one, I can't even think of things that would go well with a nice blowjob on the side, which is a list that extends to pretty much fucking everything.
I apologize to any relatives who may have read this.